Not Just Health & Fitness
Covering all things health and fitness, but not just health and fitness.
Expanding from the basics to encompass everything under the umbrella of living your best life, while sharing insights into my personal journey along the way.
Not Just Health & Fitness
#6 Embracing Body Acceptance and Overcoming Binge Eating
Have you ever found yourself standing in front of the mirror, picking apart every imperfection? Well, you're not alone, and this heart-to-heart with my dear friend and women's coach, Dharanda, is here to reshape the way we see our bodies and interact with food. We peel back the layers of what true body acceptance means, going beyond the surface-level mantras of body positivity. Dharanda's personal transformation and her expertise in helping women find food freedom are not only inspiring but also packed with actionable advice. Through our conversation, we confront the deep-seated roots of our body image issues, tracing them back to childhood and societal pressures, and how these can manifest in our adult lives as unhealthy relationships with food and self.
Then, we navigate the often-misunderstood territory of binge eating, breaking down the emotional foundations that can lead to this complex behavior. It’s not just about willpower, but understanding the emotional signals and core beliefs that drive us to overeat. The strategies I share are designed to challenge restrictive food norms and cultivate a nurturing relationship with eating. Our exchange is all about empowering you to reconnect with your body and life, paving the way for lasting, loving change. If this conversation resonates with you, I invite you to join our community on Instagram at Helena underscore. underscore slides, where your stories and feedback continue to fuel these essential discussions. Sending you all much love and encouragement until our paths cross again in the next enlightening episode.
Find Dyranda and her workshops on instagram at @dyrandakatecoaching
See my website for information on my coaching services https://helenaslyfitness.com/coaching-packages/
Connect with me on instagram https://www.instagram.com/helena__sly/
Welcome to the Not Just Health and Fitness podcast with Helena. I'll be talking all things health and fitness, but not just health and fitness. I'm expanding from the basics to encompass everything under the umbrella of living your best life, while sharing insights into my personal journey along the way. Let's get into today's topic. Hi friends, welcome to today's podcast. I'm very excited to introduce you to my friend and fellow online coach with a different approach, dharanda, who I will be interviewing today. Dharanda, welcome, let's start with a little introduction letting everyone know what it is that you do.
Speaker 2:Hello, Thank you for having me today. So I'm Dharanda. I'm a women's food relationship and body image coach. I help women break these all-or-nothing yo-yo dieting, emotional eating cycles, and help them find their ultimate food freedom and reclaim their confidence within themselves.
Speaker 1:I love that. Let's go into your journey to becoming the coach that you are now, because you mentioned your stories yesterday that you originally thought you wanted to be a training and nutrition coach, so let's talk about that and how that evolved to what you do now.
Speaker 2:Yes. Well, given my history my disorderly eating history and body dysmorphia I was always obsessed with wanting to change my body. So I wanted to knuckle down and learn about nutrition and training, and all of that because I thought that was the magic answer. And through that I thought, oh my God, this is amazing. I love it, I could show other people how to do this. And then I sort of hit my defining moment where I was like this isn't actually working for me, and so it all sort of changed around and I thought I want to help other women break free of these behaviors and these thoughts and just escaping what comes with all of that.
Speaker 1:Can you go into crushing some of the misconceptions people have about building a positive body image? What unhelpful thoughts or fears do people have about being kinder to themselves?
Speaker 2:Definitely so. I mean, first and foremost, I think there's a little bit of confusion around body image. So if, say, we talked about body acceptance, people may be thinking body positivity, which is completely different. These body positivities like really embracing the body and being like I love my body. But I talk more about body acceptance, which is hey, this is my body and I don't have to love the way it looks. I don't have to be satisfied with it all the time, but I respect it and I care for it. But the misconception is that if you accept your body, then you're just going to let yourself go. That doesn't mean that you're not going to take care of yourself anymore. In fact, I actually think body acceptance helps you look after yourself better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'd agree with that, and I've had my own body image journey and I know that I kind of get the ick when people talk about body positivity, to the point where they're like I love my stretch marks, I love my cellulite, I love my this. I'm like, no, you don't. It almost feels like this false facade front, whereas if you can just go well, I can still notice that those things exist on me, but I'm not going to let them change the way I think about myself as a human, or they're not going to change how I behave in the world or what I'm going to wear. I can be accepting of them and not have them impact me and they might be the third thing that you see when you look in the mirror, rather than being the first thing that you see when you look in the mirror.
Speaker 1:I know with me, like I, for example, when I was younger, I was obsessed with girls with thin legs and I had quite muscular legs and that is also where I still more of my body fat, and I remember, like I'm old, me used to look in the mirror and the first thing I would see would be that my legs were too big and it was actually like my weight training journey. That, for me, had me looking in the mirror to go like, oh, there's some more shape to my shoulders now. Oh, my core is looking really good, or whatever, and I would notice those things first before noticing the other thing. It was kind of this shift over time and that was. That was it for me, and I wouldn't. I'm not going to sit there and say I love that there's. So you're laying on the back of my legs, but I can see it and go like that doesn't mean anything about me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's exactly right, and you know how like. So, for instance, there's a photo of someone not you, someone else and you look at it and say they're like, they're laughing and they're having a good time. You think, oh, wow, what a beautiful picture. Like they look amazing, but more like because you see that happiness coming through, you can see that having a good time. But if that person was looking at the photo, they'd be like, oh my gosh, look at me like I've got a chin because I'm like laughing. And look at the way my stomach sitting Like it's being able to stop pointing, like pointing out these flaws in ourselves and actually looking at the big picture 100%.
Speaker 1:And where do you find body image issues stem from? Because while I have a very healthy body image now, I've done a lot of work on that over the last 10 years or so. I know in my journey I had a very unhealthy body image in my teens and early 20s and some very disordered eating habits, a lot of food fears, very black and white thinking around quote unquote good and bad foods. I was really fearful of gaining weight and hypercritical of my own body. When on reflection now, I was actually quite underweight at the time. But when I did the work to improve my body image I found a lot of it stemmed from comments I'd heard people make about other people's bodies when I was a child and I internalized those comments, thinking that if they thought those things about other people's bodies, they must think it about mine. Is that a common theme or where do you find it stems from for most of your clients?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, that's definitely. That's definitely one of the things I mean, how children perceive things. You can't control that. So, whatever they see, they got to make up their own narrative around that. Aren't they like what you did, like us? They made comments about that person. So what are they thinking about me, even if they're not even thinking that about you? It's also just what is a lot of it's what people witness their own caregivers doing as well, whether that's say, for instance, if you had a mom that was a chronic diet, if you saw her always standing in front of the mirror and pinching at her like you know, quote unquote roles or talking about her thighs and exhale your light and talking about how fat she was, or making a lot of comments, but also the way she acted around her body. That could definitely be a factor. And but then also some people have had that misfortune of their parents actually commenting on their body as well, which obviously isn't going to help. And yeah, it's also just society media messages. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think the parent one is a big one, and that's something that I've, like have spoken about with my clients at different stages is having this notion of like never say anything about your own body. You wouldn't say about your daughter's body or your mom's body or your best friend's body. Because, especially on the mom daughter piece if a mom is always talking about you know, oh, my hips look too big in this dress, or you know, I hate the way my body looks there's a very good chance that your daughter's going to grow up with the same features and she's going to be hating those as her body changes through puberty to look more like yours and like I think. Yeah, just coming back to that notion of like, if you wouldn't say it about somebody else's body, don't say it about yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can 100% relate to that, like my mom. Growing up, my mom talked about how she'd had liposuction on her lower belly and her knees because these were these fat areas that she couldn't get rid of, no matter how hard she tried. And I remember growing up and thinking like, oh, I've got the same knees as my mom, I've got the same like lower belly as my mom, like we've got a lot of similar features. She also had a nose job, but that's a whole other story. But I just remember thinking like maybe I'm going to have to have liposuction on my knees, maybe I'm going to have to have liposuction on my lower belly, because she also made it sound very normal to go and do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can only imagine how that impact was and, yeah, once again, it's like you're obviously going to grow up with similar features, because genetics and and even on the nose job piece that you sort of think you know, we've got a chance your daughter's going to have the same nose as what you did. Like, what are you telling her about about herself by taking those actions? So that's yeah, it's impactful. Another thing you and I are both very open on our social media platforms about having ADHD and we joke all the time about having the same brain. But do you find you get many ADHD clients and is there a correlation between ADHD and binge eating or ADHD in a poor body image?
Speaker 2:For sure. Yeah, I sometimes have some ADHD clients. There might be a couple in there that are undiagnosed, who knows.
Speaker 2:But, yeah, there's definitely a connection between ADHD and disordered eating and poor body image. So if we think about it, like let's look at impulse control, lack of follow through, all or nothing thinking, like they're very common sort of traits in ADHD which also affect how people show up with food and maybe exercise. But then also I think the biggest thing is the relationship that people have with themselves and you know that lack of self worth and self steam and confidence in themselves and I think that can really perpetuate these cycles. There's the obvious one, emotional dysregulation. So struggling to regulate emotions. We know that binge and emotional eating is often triggered by, obviously, emotions. So that's obviously a key thing as well, but also it's, you know, focusing on hyper-focusing on your body image and food and eating is sometimes way more simulating and exciting than these other tasks that we don't want to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like as a distraction or as a procrastination from whatever it is. Yeah, that makes sense too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and some people use food as, yeah, their stimulation yeah, so it's like to numb out or to stimulate so many things, and then also the belief system. So I find that maybe people who grew up feeling like they didn't fit in, so it's like, maybe if I look a certain way, then I'll fit in, maybe if I'm more attractive, people won't notice that I'm hopeless at XYZ or the validation that they might be craving. There's so many, definitely a lot of things that can be woven in there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely. So that makes a lot of sense, like from the dopamine seeking perspective and also the lack of self-confidence that both often are part of being ADHD, whether diagnosed or undiagnosed. That's super interesting. What advice or words of encouragement do you have for those struggling with binge eating disorder or binge eating behaviors, if they're like realizing that this is an issue now, but don't know where to go or what to do or how to think? What are your words of wisdom?
Speaker 2:Oh look, I mean, I think it is. So it is such a hard thing to shift and I just think number one for me is just ask for help, reach out to someone, because there's a lot of there's a lot at that root cause.
Speaker 1:Yeah, is it like a psychologist?
Speaker 2:Yeah, a psychologist or a coach who works with people with binge eating? Definitely, Because I mean, I know with my story. So there was a lot of coaches at the time posting like you know, if you're overeating, if you're binge eating, just increase your calories and then you'll stop. And there were so many times where I was like increasing my calories it didn't matter how many calories that I had in my, my fitness power, I was still doing it and it just really perpetuated that cycle Like, well, I can't, what's wrong with me? Yeah, so I'm doing what they say that's supposed to fix me, but it's not working. Yeah, that's because that's not going to be the answer for most people who binge eat.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I help some people, but it's very context dependent. So I just think, asking for help and getting to that root cause, because it's going to be like there's going to be some different things that need addressing than what you probably even know.
Speaker 1:What, what are, and do you have some examples of things that might be the trigger for for some people, or things that you've seen been a trigger for some of your clients or yourself?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean like a trigger for binge eating. Like I said before, it can be that emotional dysregulation like and you're wanting to escape an emotion, but it's more like where is this actually coming from? And whether that's and most of the time it's from these core limiting beliefs that people have, and if something strikes a nerve with that, then that's what's going to trigger this emotional reaction. And then we've been cheating. It's because this has been used as a coping mechanism in this moment in the past, and then you've done that a handful of times and it's just become this formed habit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's something that I do see come up with some of my clients sometimes as well is like the food reward system has been enforced for their entire life. That they give you have a hard day, that's okay. They get yourself a treat on the way home or you're feeling stressed? Have some food to make you feel better. You've got something to celebrate, let's order out. You know, and whether it's food or alcohol, quite often they create these reward systems with it.
Speaker 1:And a lot of changing that is not just about saying don't do that anymore, but about refining a replacement of something else that can either do that self soothing or something else that can then make you feel like you're giving yourself a reward.
Speaker 1:That doesn't always have to be food, and a lot of the time when people are on a weight loss journey even though obviously weight loss is the goal, if they're getting progress, a lot of the time they'll treat themselves with more food and pull themselves off track along the way, and it can be this sort of it almost feels like self sabotage along the way, but they don't know any other way of rewarding themselves for things, because once they you know kids they have a good game of soccer on the weekend let's go get McDonald's to celebrate, like it's an exciting day, we are all going to have, you know, cake to celebrate because it's somebody's birthday or whatever else.
Speaker 1:And like so much when you're a child gets programmed in that you use food to celebrate, or you see your parents use food or alcohol to self soothe when they're stressed. You know mum goes in and eats a block of chocolate or dad goes in and drinks half bottle of whiskey or whatever it might be. But you see those reward behaviors as a child and like, yeah, they can be quite hard to shift and something that I'm often working on with my clients to which is, you know, super interesting. We see that I'd love to know more about what's involved in your client's journey. So what are the problems that they come to you with and then how that journey might look going through your program.
Speaker 2:So my clients often come to me, as a last ditch effort really, that they've done all the things that they've tried on the diets, they've done all the programs, they've tried willpower, they've read all the books, they've done all these things, but they usually feel at a loss with what, what to do with themselves, because nothing's nothing's working. So at this point they've acknowledged that what they've been doing it's not working. They're cognitively exhausted and they're probably at a low point with how they feel about themselves. Their confidence is shot and this is now affecting their overall quality of life more than ever. So, first and foremost, it's my job to educate them on how these cycles have become perpetuated in the first place, and we start getting an understanding of the root cause.
Speaker 2:A lot of my clients. They have all these food rules and they have these restrictive thoughts and they look in the mirror and they tear themselves apart. They may be avoiding social events, they may be avoiding having their photo taken and as a as a one off thing, to some people it may not sound that that harmful, but when we add all these things together it is. It's not very good at all. So when we work together, I sort of focus on their mindset and, like their, their physical habits.
Speaker 2:So, mindset wise, we're building self awareness, first and foremost, we're managing the inner critic because she's out of control, and we're reprogramming their thoughts and beliefs. We're rewiring that all or nothing or perfection is a mindset, because that's usually quite common, and we're challenging how they view food and their body, amongst other things, especially how they view themselves. And then, food wise, like we focus on eating more food, we focus on eating regularly, and we also start to physically challenge these restrictions and rules as well. And then we've got, like, a bunch of other factors that we focus on, such as the nervous system and finding helpful rituals and routines, reducing decision fatigue, exploring their discomfort zone, and we also talk about communication in relationships and setting boundaries. There's so many, so many factors to this journey and I guess the main thing is we're focused on connecting back to their body and their life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that, and there's a few things that you've mentioned that I also do within my coaching and that I see create such change for people. And so, while my clients are coming to me for a physical transformation, something that I'm very cognizant of is like how they're talking about themselves throughout that process, because a positive body image has very little to do with how you look, or a negative body image has very little to do with how you look, and getting a quote unquote better body won't necessarily have you feeling any better about yourself at the end. If we don't do that work to like pick up on how it is that they're speaking about themselves or to themselves, or what is the underlying why of why they do want this physical transformation and we do. We look on like I pay attention to semantics. How have you worded your subjective view on progress for the week? Or are we acknowledging wins outside of weight loss, or looking at all these different factors that will influence how they feel about themselves along the journey?
Speaker 1:Because you can drop 10 kilos of somebody and have them feeling more insecure about what they look like, or move that goalpost like another level or another devil. That's never good enough and there's quite a lot of, I see, like memes and things pop up online all the time about people going on their gym journey and ending up with worse body dysmorphia than ever, even though they look better than ever. Because they start compare, comparing themselves to other people in the gym world as opposed to, like they used to, just compare themselves out with people in the own world and in the open world, and so making that a habit to pay attention to all their wording around it is a super important part and something I'm really passionate about as well. You have an upcoming masterclass on overcoming overeating. Can you tell us a little bit about that?
Speaker 2:Yes, sure, so it's such a common thing over eating. I speak to many women who struggle with it and there are different kinds of overeating. So my aim for this masterclass is to educate everyone on the differences of overeating and how these come about. So you were saying before, like you know, what are these common causes of binge eating and all of that. I'm going to go a little bit more deeper into why people overeat in my masterclass, because there's so many. There's so many factors and I'm going to break down the difference between each of them. And, yeah, because they are so different, but then they also kind of they can all sort of intertwine as well.
Speaker 1:I am actually very interested in getting a couple of my clients to probably come along to that and I'll leave a link at the end of this podcast so people can find you if they're interested in coming along to that as well and sort of being able to discover those things for themselves in a setting that feels safe. So I'll probably wrap this one up here. Thank you so much for jumping on with me today. No, thank you, awesome. So I'll leave your Instagram link in the show notes so my listeners can find you. Thank you to everybody who's listening to today's episode. Please share this with a friend or on your socials and tag me in if you found it to be helpful. Helena underscore. Underscore slides where to find me on Instagram and share any feedback or make topic requests. Until next time, much love.
